My nipple is on Facebook.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
