Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
