it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
