I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
