Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
