Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
