i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Tell her she can't have a vagina
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
