I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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