I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
