Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
