I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
zippers are such a cool invention
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
