The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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