Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
