My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
