i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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