One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
