R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
