The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
