Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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