how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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