what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
