Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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