He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
