my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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