I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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