Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize