I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
