I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my phone needs a breathalizer
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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