i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Mom said you looked used
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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