So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
