The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
