finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
