Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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