Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
