my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
