I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Randomize
