Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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