Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
