my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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