Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
