My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
