Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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