idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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