Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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