he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
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This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
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PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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