The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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