She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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