I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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