I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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