woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
