I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
