Hey man sorry I got all grabby
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
