i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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