there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
