hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
