Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
