It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
