is your mom at the bar?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
