just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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