I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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