Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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