I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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