my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
