What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
