You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize