Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
