I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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