he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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