you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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