Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
