apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We talked him into tasing himself.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
