drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
