I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
