Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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