Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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