Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
