best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
