I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
