Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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