Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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