When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Terrible idea I love it
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
