the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
