my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
