good thing vaginas are great cup holders
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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