no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
