soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
