you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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