the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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