508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have aggressive nipples.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
