I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
