yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
